The storm is lifting

That day in May 17 months ago a monsterous, crushing, evil, wicked depression descended on me.  Just the diagnosis of colon cancer destroyed what spirit I had.

Even after several miracles in surgery and chemo I slid deeper and deeper. While my surgeon had gotten it all. Bless him. And my numbers were instantly normal l still slid.  Then my oncologist and I were shocked to see almost no side effects from the chemo. Even still I slid deeper.

Surgery and chemo are not without consequences. Both leave damage. Leaving me without the strength or will to console myself with the homey things I enjoy. Cooking, baking, sewing, knitting and such.

Soon I felt worthless.  Without a redeeming quality. Weeping every moment I was alone. Worse yet in every word I wrote or spoke I hid it.  An effort to shield those closest to me.

Until the last few days this was my everyday.  Until the last few days.

Starting this past weekend my chemo brain is lifting and with it my mood lifted.  Almost as it the sun was warm again.  Flowers bright and aromatic again..  

Maybe, just maybe it’s the beginning of the better. The beginning of the happy.

P. S.  I should have check with my body before I got too excited!  It may still need some time before it sees the begging of the happy!!! LOl!